Show not tell your reader!
by pandora on Feb.03, 2011, under Stuff
As you know, we have been using the world of Pandora from Avatar to inspire our story writing. We also had a amazing session with Pie Corbett who work with us to help us create sentences that didn’t tell the reader too much.
Today, I worked with the pupils on the technique of showing not telling your reader. Instead of telling the reader:
Mr. Mitchell bolted across the road because the zombified Headteacher was chasing him.
You could write: Mr. Mitchell anxiously glared behind him as the heavy footsteps grew louder.
The first sentence is technically good but tells the reader too much too soon. However, the second sentence drips in some information that keeps the reader gripped and wondering what on earth is happening!
I asked my class to pull out the exciting part of their Pandora story. Armed with a list of adverbs that are displayed in the Voicethread below, the were tasked with adding some adverbs to show the reader not tell the reader what was happening. See if you can hear this at work in the Voicethread below:
February 4th, 2011 on 2:54 pm
well done
February 4th, 2011 on 11:29 am
Here are two of mine:
Mary struggled to her feet. Despite the pain in her knees she would not accept help. (Shows she is proud but old and suffering from arthritis)
Maria could hear the door opening slowly. Footsteps on the stairs worried her even more.
Mr Cullen
Halam Primary School
Nottingham
http://mp1.halamschool.org
February 3rd, 2011 on 4:12 pm
It must be so difficult when YOU know the story but should not give it away too soon. I can hear that you have really done well with this very tricky skill!