As you know, we have been using the world of Pandora from Avatar to inspire our story writing. We also had a amazing session with Pie Corbett who work with us to help us create sentences that didn’t tell the reader too much.
Today, I worked with the pupils on the technique of showing not telling your reader. Instead of telling the reader:
Mr. Mitchell bolted across the road because the zombified Headteacher was chasing him.
You could write: Mr. Mitchell anxiously glared behind him as the heavy footsteps grew louder.
The first sentence is technically good but tells the reader too much too soon. However, the second sentence drips in some information that keeps the reader gripped and wondering what on earth is happening!
I asked my class to pull out the exciting part of their Pandora story. Armed with a list of adverbs that are displayed in the Voicethread below, the were tasked with adding some adverbs to show the reader not tell the reader what was happening. See if you can hear this at work in the Voicethread below: