The Greek Wonder…. Pandora (By John)
by pandora on Feb.05, 2011, under Stuff
As the calm, crystal clear water was as flat as a vicious lion sleeping, Sid decided to go for a journey in his most price-less vehicle his… speed boat!!! As a fellow Greeconian he shot of into the middle of the Mediterranean Sea. Suddenly, a whirl-pool shot out of the blue, and being as good as he thinks he is ,Sid decided to drive around it. Then, the pool started to drag the boat in closer, further every-second he drew closer. BANG!!! He was in…. but where?
The next particle of life that caught Sid’ eye was the world of Pandora. It was a luminous mixture of green grass and blue sky. The humidity in the air was class zero (uninhabitable for humans). The Hallelujah mountains circle the hallow space, where the others had shadowed.
Suddenly, he stood-up and trampled to the edge of the cliff face, of Mount. Claver. A Sythagarous (a six legged Gorilla) crept up behind, Sid started to run. He jumped off the cliff and he started to fly, because he had webbed feet, hands and legs.
That very moment, he started to worry, and think how to get back home. He eventually, had his mind down on an idea, his plan was to fly-high and swoop down. Sid pre-paid him-self, then the next day he was off.
Every second the breeze on Sid’ face became heaver, as he climbed.Then suddenly, he was higher than the clouds. Then he shot down, faster than a F1 driver. He hit the water of Pandora, suddenly when he rose to the surface and he saw Greece, he had never been happier to see Greece in his entire life. He made it ashore, and he told everybody. Now, Sid learnt his lesson not to be fancy, and to drive/walk away from danger.
By John!!!
February 7th, 2011 on 9:54 am
I think that you are right there Mr.Cullen.
I think that I could improve on not telling my reader, but letting them imagine what it could be like. Thank you Mrs.Woods for a fantastic comment on my writing. Maryam I think that you re correct-in thinking that I need to use a different range of openers.
THANK YOU ALL!!!
February 7th, 2011 on 9:40 am
That will teach Sid a lesson. Your story was GREAT! You had used amazing vocabulary that would fit in with your story. I have to agree, you have to ‘show NOT TELL’. Besides that, you have made your writing stand out clearly. I hope you keep up the writing!
By Raja
February 7th, 2011 on 9:31 am
Impressing piece of writting John. I can now imagine the setting and everything around me. And great way of creating suspense. But do you think you could improve on more openers, because most of your sentences dont have a good opener in. But WELL DONE OVER ALl! And keep it up.
February 5th, 2011 on 8:48 pm
Impressive piece of writing John. You’ve used some great sentence openers as well as a variety of literary devices (brackets, similes, ellipses (…), as well as an interesting setting. I think blogs are a great place to share your writing. Maybe you could improve this with some ‘show, don’t tell’? What do you think?
Mr Cullen
Headteacher
Halam Primary School
Nottingham
February 5th, 2011 on 8:27 pm
Wow John, what a vivid imagination you have! You draw the reader into the strangest of lands with your very clever use of imagery in the style of very experienced authors. I also really love the fact that your story ends with a moral – all the best stories do!! Well done and keep up the writing – you have real talent